Nuffnang

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

so i have the sudden urge of blogging a post right now
random much, i know. especially at the odd hour of 542am.

just being me.
nothing has changed.
so much for trying to be better,
i reckon, it all failed.
all the education, values, thoughts, all went down to drain.
i am still the same.
no progress, no future, nothing.

i am still the same.
trying so hard to be someone i am not.
trying to be be at high culture.
and never try hard enough

i am still the same
without passion
without faith
without direction
without dreams
without without

i am still the same
i only think
but i never act

to be honest, i dont know who am i.
the continual process of searching yourself is exhausting,
it sucked up all your brain cells.

simplicity is bliss.
if only everything is black and white.
if only i ever know what i want, what i love and what i desire.

simplicity is rare.
why cant i wake up one day and finally realized what my passion is?
why cant i wake up one day and everything goes accordingly?

i want to say my plan
but i never had one

years after years
of course i am getting worried
i do not want to be in this same old situation
but i do not want to force to conform into what others want me to
and before that i have to know what i want

why
why is it so hard to know what you want
if human being has always know what they want
will the world become a little more simple?

eg. if i want Thai food for dinner, then i look for Thai restaurant.
i wouldnt waste time, effort, thinking what should i have, walking aimlessly, looking for something.

i am the one walking aimlessly.
always.

i wanna pray.
but i have no strength.

i am weak.
mentally.

yet i fantasize.
fantasize about all the fairytale that will never happened to me
yet i fantasize.

nothing makes me happy anymore.
or rather i do not know what will make me happy.

i wanna set free.
be free.

free.